I love You

 

I love you
Are three words I thought
I’d never say
But I did, a long time ago,
To a boy
Who didn’t say it back.

And so I never said
Those three words again
Until you
You who said you never told me so
And I am forever
Maimed.

 

 

Author’s Note: Depressive and poorly written to boot. Yes, It’s inspired by you. No, it’s not about you.

24

I just turned 24.

Can you believe? Heck, I can’t.

The pressure builds up as years and years get added to the numerical value that is called age. First, there is the pressure to be financially stable;  get a good job, own properties: house, car, furnitures, husband (haha). Then apart from the basic economical needs there are also family pressures. All cousins older than me have married. To make matters worse, they all have good marriage contracts. They married well. Now, all eyes are on me. The unlucky one in line.

Yesterday, my 6month old niece got christened. It’s a big celebration. All were cooing, purring, meowing at the cute little babe. All was well until my father said, “Chi, when will you give me my own grandchild?” And the world came tumbling down. I really don’t know. Perhaps, never.

In two weeks or so I’d be flying to Manila for internship at PGH. New world, new challenges, new people. I am a driftwood. No, there is no shore yet in the horizon.

 

Happy Thoughts

I RP (role-play) as a form of entertainment. It turned out to be quite a literary piece with all the personal metaphores in it. The RP is titled “The Making of a Mage”.

 

xoxo

 

The possession was nothing new to her. She had witnessed her grandmother’s body merge with Lyka’s soul too many times before. Being the greater power her grandmother’s consciousness stayed intact throughout the union and harnessed control over the foreign life force; generating massive amounts of energy from the cat’s nine lives. The opposite is happening now. This is no happy union.

Cocooned inside her own head the girl curls into a ball and stares at images flashing in her consciousness: dark wings, black flames, and blood. Then, all became blank…unknowning of the hideous monster unleashed and the possible destruction it could cause.

In a dream-like state, the girl is awakened by a tender voice,

“Wake up my little kitten… wake up…”

“Grandma…? Why are you in my head?”

“Silly girl,” her plump white-haired grandmother softly laughed out. “I am here because I am in your thoughts.”

The girl looked around and saw that she and her grandma were in the middle of a vast field of blue flowers. The light wind carried the sweet scent back to her.

“Lilacs!,” cried the girl.

“Very good little kitten,” said her grandmother. “Remember and gather them.”

“Gather what Grandma?”

Instead of answering, the old mage just gave her grandchild an encouraging  smile and said, “Do you hear something kitten?”

The girl concentrated and tuned in to the sound and heard the splashing and ebbing of water.

“The sea! We’re home!”

“Oh no, no. In fact we’re quite far…” Just about time when her grandmother finished her words tiny droplets fell from the sky. Tip tap tap tap, then the rain poured down. The girl and her grandmother took shelter under a tree and enjoyed the rainfall.

The girl’s eyes are dancing now. “Oh I just love the rain, Grandma!”

“I know, but not nearly as much as that one,” her grandmother pointed out to the clearing sky.

“Rainbow!” The happiness in the girl’s face was pure magic.

“Yes, my kitten,” said her grandmother proudly. “Go now and  chase your rainbow!”

And the girl did so.

xoxo

 

Author’s Notes: These are my RL happy thoughts. ^__^ Pure magic! ~grandma/family, lilac/flower, sea/home, rain/water, rainbow/hope/promise

ENT Hysteria

So I have been gone for a while. Yeah, not that long to warrant being missed. Nonetheless, let me rant about my week, appropriately called the ENT Hysteria.
 

Monday

First day. Welcome to the Ear, Nose, and Throat - Head and Neck Surgery Department! As usual on first days I was late. When I got to the department office everyone was there already except me. Terrible I know. Far horrifying was knocking, turning the door knob and finding everyone’s faces  staring back at you.

 My 3 classmates were already seated, and so are the resident ENT surgeons. The standard orientation regarding duties and responsibilities, exams and grading system, and lates and absences…followed. For every 3 lates you incur an 8-hour extension. Excused absences you pay:  one is to one. Unexcused absences: one is to three. Also, complete uniform is required, said the chief resident straight to my eyes. I was missing my nameplate.

We then proceeded to the ENT pre-op and post-op wards for the daily bedside endorsement. Since, it’s our first day we were excused…NOT! We were asked brain-melting questions regarding the patients we haven’t even seen yet. Hmm… but they were considerate enough and just told us to brush on our ENT anatomy and read on all the stuff we were’nt able to answer, and be prepared to be quizzed yet again tomorrow!

After the rounds we carried out the orders in the patients’ charts, then proceded to the Outpatient Department (OPD) to see… yeah, outpatients. Now, here is the part where I reveal why I placed (in TNF) Historian as my occupation. 

My classmates and I were seated in 4 little interview cubicles. The nurses call out the patients one by one into the cubices. Then we do what we do best <toinks!>. We interview the patient and write their History down in their OPD record.  After a brief run through of their chief complaint, history of present illness, past medical history, family and personal/social history, some even sexual history, we examine the patient.  Since it’s ENT, then the physical examination (PE) is limited to inspection, palpation, otoscopy, rhinoscopy, and laryngoscopy.

When we’re done we take the patient to the ENT surgeon and report the History we gathered  and the PE findings. We give the doctor our Impression and then 3-5 differential diagnosis. Imagine the horror! At first it’s nerve wracking to present a patient’s case right there and then in front of your senior and be asked about the pathophysiology of nasal polyp, otitis media, laryngitis, toxic goiter, and blah blah. Thank goodness I still have my cortex intact!

The doctor takes additional history and makes his own PE, gives the correct diagnosis, and then prescribes the medicines or does an ENT procedure, then discharges the patient. This routine goes on ’til lunch and resumes back again at half past one. My partner and I were dismissed at 5pm. The other pair had to remain for their 24 hour duty, til the next day when we relieve them.

AN: Writing down a week is long! I’ll chop it into days. Can I even finish this? <.<

You = thought = Me

Think: who are you? You, who are you really?

If by an unfortunate stroke of fate you lose your arm in a car crash, of course you’d still be you — you without an arm. But if your parts get scattered all over the place, who are you? The head? The body? The piece that has more parts attached? What if none is left of your body?

These may be queer questions, nonetheless, grounded on the basic question: who are you.

Are you the part that is vegetatively remaining alive? Or are you the brain in coma?

These train of thoughts leds me to the internet. It seems like we’re all just minds interacting. No face, no body, no hand, no feet. I don’t see you, you don’t see me. I am the person your mind is forming…. base, perhaps, on your own personality too. Because your mind connects to mine, I am a person? I am a thought, your thought. You are a thought, my thought.  

Think: who am I?  Who is the person you now read?

“But y’all see me cuz, you don’t see with your eyes. You perceive with your minds.”~Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood