Public Speaking 101 for Political Dummies

Friends, ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

Over the years I have witnessed the extraordinary ability of politicians to say absolutely nothing to make it sound something. They also say things that are really untrue and make it sound important. “Verbal evasive action” it is called. But what it boils down to is lies. This is probably one of the reasons why politicians languish at the bottom of the most admired people. So my dear friends, I offer you the uncommonly sensible Public Speaking 101 for Political Dummies so that in the future you won’t fall for it the way so many had in the past.

 Let me have the honor to present to you some of the most remarkable vocabulary of our politicians. When they say ‘addressing the issue’ it is something that somebody else does. Allowance is money taken from the taxpayers by a politician and then given to another politician. The ever popular ‘at this point in time’ means ‘I haven’t got a good answer bu I thought the words might impress’. Budget: See Allowance. Clearly is something that is totally unclear. Compassion is spending public money to buy votes. (They always see to it that their compassion for the poor is televised.) Whenever we hear about deployment it actually means they are moving people somewhere else that should have been fired. A rare occurrence in the government is downsizing which is the politically correct term for firing people. If they speak of economic improvement it means that they are taking more money from the achievers (a.k.a. rich Chinese businessmen). Now, when they say entitlement that is achiever’s money being given to non-achievers. When politicians are giving somebody equal opportunity they are actually offerina an advantage to somebody whom they think might vote for them. Now, the famous ‘I’m glad you’ve asked that question’ is truly ‘I think you’re a low bastard for asking such a good question’. How about ‘I’m tackling the issue’? Well, it really means ‘I’ve passed it to somebody else’. The same as addressing the issue. And whenever politicians argue that ‘It’s not the money, it’s the principle’. I tell you it’s the money! And if they say ‘I’ve been informed by a reliable source’ it means simply ‘I overheard it’. If they visit your barrio and ’seek a greater commitment from the community’ they are merely asking for money from the rich and votes from the poor. When they proclaim themselves a self-styled politician they are phony. When interviewed they say ‘to the best of my knowledge’ which means ‘I really have no idea’. And finally, if they proudly announce to the press ‘we’re making a significant difference’ it means some economic indicator moved 1 point of 1%. Duh!

It is my sincerest hope that my beloved audience gained something more than just the laughs. Politicians whether trapos or not share the same language. Politicians do not necessarily mean what they say. And it is up to us to decipher the words and see what truly lies beneath. Criticisms are essential if we want to have better governance from our so-called public servants. Let it be known to everyone that contributions of newly deciphered words uttered by politicians are very much welcome to be part of Public Speaking 101 for Political Dummies. Support the  cause of educating our still politically immature people.

Once again, good evening.

~ by marihime on February 25, 2008.